how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
