you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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