I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
