i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
