You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
