Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
