I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
