I saw his package. It spoke to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
