Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
