youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
