dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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