do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
