yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
