Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And my parents said I crawled through the house
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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