He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize