your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
