Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
