ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i think im in europe. pls send help
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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