Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
