Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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