god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
