final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
