How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
