Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
