I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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