Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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