a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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