When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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