I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
