Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
