i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
