You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
