He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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