Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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