So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
