just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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