he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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