Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
