I've blown a few things in my day
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize