Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
