I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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