she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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