Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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