I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I puked a lego.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dicks are not precious.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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