If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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