My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
