You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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