He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize