Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
