3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
