i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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