My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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