I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
