Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is the high leading the old right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
send nudes
from the living room?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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