sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
