Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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