then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
