Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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