So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
