I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
