theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
