I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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