This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
