He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
