mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
